A Mechalife

Ticking till the batteries run dry,
With arms
Rotating faithfully till it dies,
Whose life is like a clock?

It never misses a single second
For when it does, it shall be discarded.
Whose life hangs
On rigid concrete pillars?

From a burning house,
Nobody saves the servile clock
For there are many to replace it with.

The clock ticks away,
Like a bomb that won't explode,
In the silence of the night it reigns,
Only to be drowned at the break of day.

-Elliot
An essay eluded me tonight, hence, this.

Lament of a Call Center Agent

If you have an experience with working in a call center before you'd probably be able to relate to this post.

I am Elliot. A difficult character to tame. I hate underqualified people appraising my capability. I hate people who pretend they know a lot but in actuality know a bit more than nil. I call them "feelers".

Superiority complex is the last thing I'll have. I just can't accept the tyranny of the unequipped. 저는 부적임자의 전제정치를 받아들일 수 없다.

Today I received my performance appraisal served on a golden plate of injustice. First, the dear evaluator corrected my already correct grammar. For instance, she took note of my sentence "This is my second attempt". I tried my hardest but I couldn't find even the slightest ungrammatical hint. Secondly, the honorable epal-uator (pun intended) only reviewed a single recorded session with my student without paying attention to the lesson's context, or even to my relationship with that particular student. The classes I hold are not discrete. She should have reviewed multiple recorded classes, or selected a cross-section of classes I held with different students. I have a total of five Korean 영어 공부하는 학생 who attend class everyday in a month. Only one class was randomly picked for "monitoring".

Can please somebody define what monitoring is? Only a single class out of more than 50 sessions I held in a month! Clearly, the company is just wasting its money for this so-called monitoring task. What kind of data is generated from this un-statistical, unrepresentative sampling of recorded classes? There is no science behind this at all!

The evaluation result is a disservice to the teachers who are motivated not only by a bimonthly salary but also with a proper appreciation and acknowledgment of their contribution, and a well-founded critique for self-improvement.

What is the QuentA of Company QAs?

Serve the People

When I was studying the dynamics of migration, I completely felt disdain towards the concept of brain-drain. I told myself, especially after watching in awe the Serve the People banner unfurl from atop the DL Umali Hall in UPLB, that I would work in the Philippines for a year or two.

I was a romantic idealist. I could have gone up to the mountains.

But the acid of an empty gut corrodes even the most pachydermous stomach lining. I want my brain drained.

It is my personal ulcer.

Don't think that I'm happy prostituting myself at the intellectual level.

For me, belonging to this nation is more than just a symbolic drama ; it is both an imagined and real phenomenon that I want to actualize.

Should I stay and endure the throbbing sore? I might. If only somehow I could purchase an anesthesia, for I had given up looking for a cure so long ago...

----------UPDATE------------

Amicus, in his comment, invoked the most piercing lines from Panatang Makabayan:

Ako'y kanyang kinukupkop at tinutulungan upang maging malakas, maligaya at kapaki-pakinabang
Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot at nang buong katapatan

Yes. I will pay my country back. Kahit na kung bibigyan mo ng pagkakataon ang bayan na hindi ka pagaralin sa UP sa ilalim ng subsidiya ng pamahalaan...Ang salitang "kinukupkop" dito ay nangangahulugang taimtim na pagnanasang pagyamanin at linangin ang kakayanan ng isang Pilpino. Ngunit siya nga ba ang nangyayari?

Is there a Bane to being Brown?

To me, teaching English has never been an option as one of my career paths. But the winds of change has carried me to that direction. I now set my eyes on becoming an English teacher to Korea. I search the web for job opportunities as my resume would allow me to competitively apply for a teaching post. Or so I thought...


"Native English speakers ONLY!", "No experience necessary.", "...finished two- or three-year course."

These are ubiquitous requirements in recruitment websites. It struck me as silly to construe skin color and linguistic ability to positively covariate with each other. I always thought that "what is accent if the brain is not present?". Teaching the language, after all, is more than the rules of grammar, idioms, and accent. It is imparting the necessary skills to understand humanity, to further educate oneself, and to empower others.

It has been obvious that in Korea, competence and skill are overshadowed by skin color. I am brown, yes. But that doesn't mean that I can't be on equal footing with 'white' teachers a.k.a. backpackers who are the only ones eligible to apply for an E2 visa. There is a glaring racism in this issuance policy, which was said shall be scrapped at the end of the year. I hope it would be the case. It's high time that Korea opens its education market to Asian English teachers not only because of economy, but also because of quality.

Koreans have been trying to learn English for decades, but still they are finding the language difficult to grasp. There should be some structural problems that make effective learning elusive. It could be that 영어 학원(language academy/institute) are hiring ineffective teachers as reflected by their list of "qualifications": No experience needed, O.K. if not boarded, white. Great. Those are really material.
NOT!

I'm bitter but not because I'm brown. I'm bitter because the country I consider my second home does something that is discriminatory (refer to WTO MFN agreement), illogical, and unabashedly racial.

I hope the wind of change blows again...but not towards me...but towards education policy makers in Korea.

Turning a New Leaf

For me, tearing a calendar leaf is very symbolic. It means that I cannot recover the lost days. And in those days are moments to remember, moments that you would try exchanging your present with. I didn't care less about months flowing by when I wasn't yet working. This sensitivity was just exacerbated by my days at the office. Now, my point of reference for the changing days and seasons is not the rising and setting of the sun. I now look forward to the pay day. Before, I wanted to halt the ticking of the clock for it means growing old, losing something you've known to be valuable, and venturing to the uncertainty of the future. Now I wanted the clock to tick faster so I could go to the bank itching to enter my PIN. Well, in the future, that's the only thing that's certain: you get money bimonthly. I was conditioned by circumstances to be materialistic and I'm hating it. I know that time is more than this, that the future could promise more than what is written on my paycheck. Yet, this is how I think now. Time, run fast so I, too, can run fast to the bank. Heck.

...and the Book of Moments continues to loose its leaves...

Gladiators in My Dream

They say dreaming is a result of randomly firing neurons, but however random the activity is, I think our brain is hardwired to make order out of chaos. If it's not the case, then you sleep sane, and wake up demented.

Last night I had one very lucid dream. Unlike my other lucid dreams, I was not a character in the dreamworld. I seem to be just watching how the events unfold for the two gladiators.

The dream was about an older gladiator with a striking resemblance to Elijah Wood. Imagine him baring his chest, grasping defiantly on the hilt of his long, broad sword, and wearing a pair of bold leather sandals. He was a warrior at his prime. He led several wars to victory. He was undefeated in duels. Eventually, the hobbit, now standing muscularly tall, became the king of his land. He ruled prosperously until a series of wars threatened the supremacy of his Kingdom...

Then enter an Eric Bana-ish gladiator. He was appointed by Elijah Wood as the soldier-general, the post which he once held. Eric was equally fierce and foreboding but his character is not as commendable as that of Elijah's. He resisted helping the poor. He did not defend the weak as he considers doing so outside of his duty. He is bound by the rules of war. He also doesn't care for his wife. Elijah heard of this and summoned Eric to his court. The King tried to talk Eric out from his unacceptable ethos. As a former gladiator himself, he must know best. I really can't remember their dialog but I'm sure the exchange was acrimonious. They ended up challenging each other in a duel.

The King cast off his linen clothes and wore once again the countenance of a gladiator. The night was dark. There was no source of light except for the big torch at the center of the coliseum, burning as fiercely as the two men. Both turned and faced the Elders of the Kingdom who watch from a fair elevation from the battle ground. The torch continues to burn. The white, rigged pillars casting off their majestic shadows...
My dream ends here.


I so wanted to witness what would happen next. But what could I do? hmmmpf!

Lying is a By-product

I hate liars. I hate lying. But I sometimes can't help spouting petty lies. I think I made another one today and I was convicted about what the Bible says: Liars go to hell. I thought about it for a while and I realized that lying is, in and of itself, not the sin. The underlying reason why one lies is because one does not do the right thing. Lying is a cherry on top of sins galore.

I know, Jesus said that one should not tell a lie. That is a categorical statement. No exceptions entertained. However, there are morally ambiguous situations where one can't help but to tell white lies. And I'm sure that you've heard people saying that there's no such thing as a black or white lie. Black, or white or pink, some lies even result to desirable ends and some are just plainly benign. I wonder if one tells the truth, even if in the short- term it would have unpleasant results, perhaps in the long-term, it would result to a more positive outcome, or an eternally rewarding repercussion in heaven.

Anyway, one thing is clear to me. I lie because I do wrong things. I told myself: "Do the right things and lying would become unnecessary. Period." But then, would that mean I can't stop weaving lies?